Wednesday, June 11, 2008

How dare you sell products other than ours!

Denny's is very upset about something. So upset that they apparently had to call in the Mafia a totally non-stereotypical guy with a New York accent. What are they upset about?

"Is this non-Denny's restaurant selling the Grand Slam, a breakfast item trademarked by Denny's? No? Well, then they can just get fucked!"

Yeah, I know, the actual "joke" here is that only the Grand Slam is good enough to be called the "Ultimate Breakfast." Somehow I'm not sure that having the mob this unaffiliated Italian-American gentleman tear the sign down is really the classiest way to go about this. I also love the "Do not attempt" fine print. Is anyone that much of a Denny's loyalist?

By the way, here's the Grand Slam as pictured: two pancakes, two eggs, two strips of bacon, and two sausage links. Yeah, you can't get a breakfast like that anywhere. What are you, fucking kidding me? Pancakes, sausage, bacon and eggs? The four most obvious components of any restaurant's breakfast menu? "Make way for the Grand Slam! Can't get a breakfast like this anywhere else on the planet!" At least show like a t-bone steak or a bloody mary or something.

Also note the fine print here: "Price and participation may vary." This fine print is always great. The signature item at Denny's and they might not have it? Wait a minute. Does that mean it's okay for us to go there and tear their sign down? Sweet. Gas up the Oldsmobile, baby!

1 comment:

Quivering P. Landmass said...

I take issue with the tagline "Real Breakfast 24/7." Somebody at Denny's ought to look up the definition of "breakfast."

It's only "real" if it's actually "breakfast," as in the first meal of the day (breaking the fast you were having in your sleep.) It should be "Real Breakfast FOOD 24/7" or maybe "Real Breakfast 5/7" -- or however many morning hours people would normally have breakfast in.

I'm going to hire my own goon to go over the Denny's HQ and have a little "conversation" with whoever approved that line. If there's one thing the mafia doesn't tolerate, it's a minor grammatical niggle!