Thursday, June 12, 2008

Do you still have money? Then get back in the casino

I'm having a really hard time deciding which part of this ad is more horrible.

First Guy: "What's next?"

Hmm. How about you break into the world's most awkward parody of a one-hit wonder song from 30 years ago?

Smirking Asshole: "Ooh, we're at Mohegan Sun, having fun / Playing all the games in the big casino"

All the games? Really? Every last one? How much money do you guys have left?

SA: "But there's so much more to do / Get some food"

Oh, they have food there? How unlike every other place in the world.

SA: "Play a round of golf or grab a cappuccino"

He's way too excited about getting coffee (which you can also do pretty much anywhere). All of this stuff, by the way, costs yet more money, besides your gambling losses. On the bright side, if you lose enough money you can probably get some of that stuff comped.

Women: "Now we're gonna shop till we drop"

So in addition to the casino, they have a mall there? Why don't they just have a gigantic vacuum over the entrance to suck all the cash directly out of your pockets?

SA: "We never want to say goodbye-eye-eye-eye-eye, woo!"

I mean, I guess all this stuff sounds fun enough. And Vegas has all kinds of crazy crap. On the other hand, it's Vegas, not exurban Connecticut. You never want to say goodbye? Where are you going to get the money to keep gambling?

Tagline: "Could you use some Sun?"

Better put on some WPF (Wallet Protection Factor) 50 before you head over there. Aren't these ads supposed to have some fine print about what to do if you have a gambling problem? No, you gotta keep coming! There's so many ways for you to give us your money! They're not even all gambling!

Still, I think the horrifying parody song is the worse part of this ad. "My Mohegan?" You didn't even try to make it rhyme with the original. And the idea of talking about this huge casino that just wants your money using a personal possessive... well, that gets back to my first issue, I suppose. Anyway, I guess it's probably hard to find songs with lyrics that sound like "Mohegan Sun" - there's another in this series where they substitute it for "Super Freak," which is also not even close. All the more reason not to make annoying ads like this one. I know the idea is to get the song stuck in people's heads, but maybe you should have chosen songs that people would want stuck in their heads. "My Sharona"? One of the most annoyingly ubiquitous songs of the 1980s? Yeah, I want to be humming that all day. Score one for the Sun!

If you do want to have "My Sharona" (or some variant thereof) stuck in your head all day, though, I've come up with this version which I think represents the casino a bit more faithfully:

When you gonna bleed me dry, b-bleed me dry
Is it just a matter of time, Mohegan
Is it gonna make me cry, m-make me cry
When I give you every last dime, Mohegan
Never gonna stop playing games
Every time I win a little on the slots, well it just fans my habit's flames
At my, my, my-y-y, woo!
M-m-m-my Mohegan

Hey, they've got a lunch buffet, l-lunch buffet
Now I never ever have to leave Mohegan
How much am I gonna weigh, g-gonna weigh
'Cause moving from the table's my pet peeve, Mohegan
Gonna take a hit on this card 'cause I've got a system
Dealer didn't bust, well that sucks, I'm another victim
My, my, my-y-y, woo!
M-m-m-my Mohegan
M-m-m-my Mohegan

And I can go shopping too, sh-shopping too
I'm just never gonna spend enough, Mohegan
Will another thousand do, th-thousand do
Got my ATM card in my stuff, Mohegan
Gambling's a vice, so they say
But the people who wrote this ad think it's nice, gets them paid
So let's all go back to my, my, my-y-y, woo!

You get the idea.

1 comment:

Quivering P. Landmass said...

Somewhere there must be a study that shows that people love repurposing goofy old songs in ads. I mean, how many of these have we seen? That Meatloaf Go-Phone ad from last month is basically the same thing. I wonder if it actually works. Because it obviously doesn't work on either of us, or anyone I ever talk to.